Love Doesn't Hand out Free Breakfast

It's getting cold outside, especially at night, although we don't notice it as much as our friends from the green do. We've also had a smaller group of people now, about 10. I'm guessing the rest of the people who used to come are in shelters now??? Even those who do still come down to the green are for the most part staying in shelters. This week, we saw a friend who has been coming to breakfast for awhile now, I'll call him Will. At 8am he had his hood over his head, hands in his pockets and looked cold, even though it wasn't cold outside. I commented about it and he said he hadn't made it to the shelter in time the evening before and spent the night outside, and still felt cold. I am finding that as I get to know the people at breakfast better, I relate to them emotionally. Instead of just feeling empathy for him I feel personally sad and I hurt. When he then told me that he's going to have an apartment to live in a week from now, I felt joy. I related to him on a deeper level and instead of thinking "good for you" or "I'm happy for him", I actually felt happy. As I have related to him at a deeper level, hi joy became my joy. I guess this is a tiny bit how God feels about us, and how we are meant to feel about someone we love. God feels our pain, and it hurts Him. God feels our joy, and it makes Him happy, because he loves us. While He feels to a much greater extent than we do, I am learning a little more about how God loves me and everyone who has come to breakfast, and about how God wants me to love them in the same way. I am learning that love doesn't hand out free breakfast, or give money, resources or time to a cause and make itself feel good about itself while remaining safely disconnected emotionally and relationally. Love isn't safe.

oh those benches

Last summer I lived on a different side of town, and worked a lot of mornings. I would walk through the green nearly every morning and take pictures like the ones above. ....Something always intrigued me about the benches. There were always remnants of life left lingering on them in the morning..... bits and pieces here and there left over from the previous days loneliness. I always felt bad that was the only story those benches seemed able to tell. I brought my camera down to the green today to get pictures of people since it was my last time....and I sat there looking at the bench, getting an angle for a picture.
And then I realized. then I remembered.
And I stared at that bench bewildered but smiling. It was now full of food. full of something that helped create joy and life and laughter and love.
And here I was yet again taking pictures of the benches down on the green. But now one had a different story to tell.

Some Pictures -it's my last breakfast on the green in new haven... : (

just early prep for 'turkey day'

We've had a lot of grateful people down on the green lately. A lot. I hear 'thanks' more and more everyday....and it isn't just a slurred out, quickly and lightly thrown out thanks, it is a sincere, 'this means more than I can put in words' thanks. And we're just giving out breakfast. (well, that isn't all we're doing, I hope, : ) but it's all that it looks like we're doing) And also a lot of 'God bless you's ..... and I guess what I'm thinking right now is, He definitely already has..... And a lot of it is from those same people lately. And also, how differently God's blessing looks than...well, the world's view of it, but I won't get into that (go read the beatitudes)

I just wanted to say thanks. It's hard to be around so many grateful people and not have things to be thankful for. so here goes:

Erin, thanks for all the planning, time, money, driving and effort.....and definitely love that you have put into all this. It has been so amazing to have someone to scheme with. Hopefully we can scheme with each other in separate states as well. : ) (I'm planning on it at least...) You've been amazingly unselfish about all of it, and, yeah, well, it's been a good time. Thanks so much for helping me cook and do dishes too!

Barbara, it's been awesome hanging out with you on the green. We seriously appreciate your well-organized brain (considering that even the we Erin's together quite often forget detailed things....like forks, or plates....or something else that's sorta, well, essential : ) and I think everyone on the green is forever grateful for all the cherries and bananas that you bring(and the collective 'steve' too). You've also been so busy, what with wedding plans and work right after......basically you're amazing too!

And I also feel a huge amount of gratitude toward God.... He has provided food for us, friends for us, words for us, and love for us...... I have learned more than I think I realize from meeting all these people and the words they have spoken to us......and seeing God's heart in yet another place. You just can't get away from it, it would seem.
And I'm okay with that.
Sometimes what we do seems really small.... really, we're just feeding a few people downtown in a city of average size in a world with billions of people.
But Jesus is there.
And maybe everything that involves Jesus is really small in one sense......and also really large in another.
I'm perfectly content with small when I look into someone's eyes in the morning over a plate of pancakes.

I'm really grateful that we all got this chance to try and love people as Jesus would.

(Erin and Barbara, sorry if I embarrassed you, but it is true, you know. : ) also, I'm not really sure if anyone else reads this or not, so, there you have it. )

The taming of the Steve's

Did you know that if you make the appropriate gestures (dangling a cherry from your hand in plain sight) while making this strange noise with your mouth (I can only replicate it in person and upon request), that inevitably a steve (this is the technical and collective name for the squirrels that dwell on the new haven green for those who are uninformed) will perk it’s head up, look in your direction with it’s little paws clenched and the most expectant looking posture? And then it will come skipping toward you as you laugh at the hilarity of the situation, go bounding after the cherry you’ve just thrown in it’s direction, and attack it with only the single-mindedness that a squirrel after a cherry possesses. It’s quite the show. Not to mention they like to play with sticks while being disillusioned that they have no audience. Someday I will have a pet squirrel, and I will have hours of free entertainment.

We only have a couple weeks of breakfast on the green left, and I will be sad to see it go. It feels almost like we’ve been doing this longer than we have, and I found my thoughts scurrying around the last few days to how it was when we first started. It’s funny how things always seem to morph and change, and yet still be what you had in mind…….
I remember when we couldn’t even find people on the green, when all there was to arrive to in the morning was the leftover dew and rain and chill from the night before. Or the first day of ’success’ when we met diana and this other guy who was sleeping. I remember the picnic blankets and how encouraging it was to meet Richard and Billy, and …… the list keeps growing. And I want to call all these people friends, I know they are. But it’s so easy to throw that word ‘friend’ around. I don’t mean to demean what we do at all, I guess I am just thinking a lot. It’s so easy to go home, go to work, and do breakfast on the green. I feel like there’s so much we will never know about our friends, and I have to be ok with that to some extent. On the other end of it all, I want to learn what it is to love like Jesus, and also to trust that I am not God, and it isn’t my job to fix everything or everyone. I’m only to love God, and to learn to love others….and to have peace that there is so much going on that I can’t see, and probably won’t ever be aware of.

Yesterday and today there was an Indian man who came to breakfast, who it turns out, after talking to him, is a missionary….here. Anyway, some good conversation on Indian culture, geography ensued, and me, trying to remember some Hindi. I could remember the song I learned…. And so I sang that today, and felt very happy when afterward he told me that I had a good accent… (it’s been a year and a half….forgive me a little pride : )

And it’s funny, I think I’ve heard more people talk about Jesus and God since starting breakfast on the green than I have most of the time that I’ve lived in New Haven. (I don’t go to a ‘church’ here)

In India complete strangers will address you as ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ or ‘auntie’ or ‘uncle’ (depending on your gender/age in relation to theirs) and I’m being reminded of how true that is, and how people blankly walking down the streets, not talking to each other, avoiding eye contact, each acting as though they are in their own isolated bubble, how false that is……..
Oh how we’ve divorced ourselves from our families….from our neighbors, from our brothers and sisters, and they are all around us………

Just a short note to say we have had a good week, had plenty of food, a lot of good conversation, and also help today and tomorrow. more on thoughts later.

more arms.....

ok. so, I'm just gonna throw this out really quickly: Both Erin and Barbara are going to be gone aug. 11th and 12th, or maybe it's the 12th and 13th, but either way I know the 12th is in there somewhere....and I can get back with exact dates. This means it would be extremely helpful/appreciated if anyone out there felt like coming down to the green at 8, or better yet, my house at 7:45ish to help carry stuff down to the green.... I could use the extra hands, either that or someone give me advice on how I can mutate and grow some branches or extra arms or something. We usually have quite a bit of food to transport....

I lied. I just got dates, it's actually thurs and friday they won't be around- Aug. 13th and 14th. those are the days that could use help. : )

Also any other day you'd like to drop by would be great mon-fri. We've had a lot of people help out this week and it's been great.
so thanks everyone. I know all our breakfast friends on the green really appreciate it!


Oh, and there's also a ten thousand homes house concert on the tues night the 11th, so you guys should check that out as well! all the info is on ten thousand homes facebook page, I think.

So we had a good morning down at the green today, actually, Erin M. isn't here today or tomorrow, so we were kinda hoping to have at least another person help out even though it wasn't a big deal.........

Barbara and I got down to the green, my friend Olivia showed up a few minutes later, and then one of Barbara's friends, and then my other friend Pearce..... so, uh, we had plenty of people this morning, and plenty of food.
We also got to talk to a few people today, since we didn't really get mobbed, and we all just stood around and chatted for awhile.

Not to mention, today's random fact that should be common knowledge:

Squirrels are infatuated with cherries.

...it's true, I swear.

we fed all the steve's in sight.
let me explain, we decided to name all the squirrels on the green steve (just like Erin's gerbils) to alleviate any confusion of which squirrel was the original....

So today while chatting and hanging out with our friends, we also fed the birds(the little ones that hop-skip everywhere are our favorites) but the squirrels are slightly scared of them....

anyway, I went around calling all the steve's and tossing them a cherry (to our great amusement once we found out how much they love them)....

it was great.

and this is why

The last few days down on the green have been interesting. Well, the last week, really. Everyday when I would least expect it, God shows up in some way. And people keep asking why we are doing this, if we are part of an organization, etc...... I've been reminded of more things the last three days by the words of people I met down on the green than a slew of people over the last year.... maybe I just had better ears to hear, I don't know. But I heard this from people society tends to label outcasts, and I would have to say, there are some of them that possess far more wisdom than I do. (more on that later)
This morning we were talking before we headed over to the green, and we were talking about getting burnt out (we aren't really) ....although I have to admit, the only thing burning me out was cleaning up kitchen messes every morning....which is really kind of small and silly.

anyway, this has me thinking about quite a bit right now, but I have to run to work, so I'll leave this one thing for right now.... feeding people on the green, getting to know them, loving them, the only thing it is about right now is this:

"Seewhat kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure."

"11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 12 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."

the day it becomes about anything else is the day we stop.

there's not any other good reason.

Today we had a very large crowd. I'm guessing 35-40. We expected to have that many people in August, because several places that people rely on for breakfast are closing for the month of August. Now, I'm thinking the crowd in August is going to be much bigger than expected. The large numbers of people coming with empty stomachs has not come without provisions. God is providing the food proportionally to the people. Our friends at the Catholic worker house in New Haven are closed for August, and are giving us many of their donations. Churches have started to help by giving us some food.

Today, one of our new friends who is new to new Haven really needed to talk about something that had gone wrong. We were so busy that I wasn't able to give him more than a minute or two. Now, I think I should have ignored the crowd and listened to him instead...but I didn't.

We've been working on getting more people to come down to the green in the mornings, or even just one morning a week, but we've been unsuccessful so far.

Friendship

Today we had many more people than expected and ran out of food...so we ended up taking 2 friends I'll call Steve and Tom out to breakfast.
Here's a paraphrase from Tom, a struggling carpenter who has been without a place to call home for 2 months:
"No one has ever done this for me before, I mean taken us out to eat". "Really?" "Yeah, people look down on us, like we're lower than them. I guess no one wants to get to know us...I never imagined I'd ever be in this situation".

If I didn't have the loving family that I have, I could be in the same situation. Steve and Tom told us about their families. Both come from violent families, and no one gets along.
Are those who are without a home really lower than those who have a shelter to stay in? Are they lazy? Unwilling to work? No, this is not the case and they are just as human as you and me. What they lack is friendship. I once watched a video, that I wish I could track down again, but basically the plot was this:
A man walks around a city asking random people to define poverty. Most say its a lack of money, a job, maybe a place to live. Then he asks how long it would take them to find food if they were suddenly out of a job, money and a home. The answer was around 30 minutes. Then he asked, how long would it take you to find shelter? Most answered, several hours. How long would it take you to find a job? A few weeks. Ultimately, what the poorest of the poor are lacking isn't a place to stay and a place to eat, it's someone to offer them a room and someone to invite them over for dinner, it's friendship. They are lacking friendship.

My heart aches for Steve and Tom. They are not below me, not any different from me. What they lack is friendship.

don't just feed my stomach

I've been thinking a lot after this morning. I can't stop thinking about the conversation we had with one guy. He was telling us that pretty soon the police plan to crack down on people sleeping or loitering on the green after dark...... I've already heard other stories of how the police tend to hassle the homeless during the day, just for sitting around on the green (doesn't seem to stop the majority) And for anyone not in New Haven, the green is located right next to Yale's main campus. This had Erin (Erin M.) and I wondering what exactly the motivation is behind this apparent cleaning of the green....... if you catch my drift. Anyway, I don't know when this is all supposedly supposed to take place, or even if it will happen, etc.... I need to look into that and try and find out why they are wanting to do it in the first place. I don't really want to jump to conclusions on either end.
But the main thing I keep thinking about is that sooner or later, I can't (and don't want to) be just another person doling out food to people. I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but I think the point for all three of us from the beginning wasn't just to feed people, it was also to be-friend them, also to be Jesus to them, also to learn that..... we are all hungry, and essentially, regardless of the lines society draws around us, we are all human....and all on the same line, whether we have some sort of delusion about that or not.
I don't want to have some sort of thing set up where I feed people, and then go home with my conscience sated because I have done 'my part'. I want to be compelled by the things I hear these people, my new friends, talking about. I want to be concerned for their welfare. I want to love these people, not just feed them. I guess that is where my heart is at right now. I just know that we are all severely hungry for a lot more than just food.

Rain or Shine

This morning it was raining and we almost didn't go to the green, thinking it would just be a repeat of the rainy mornings in June when there wasn't anyone on the green to share our food with. Well, we went just in case there was one person waiting for us. There were 20.
Just when we think we have things rationally figured out, God surprises us.

love.

So I was thinking after breakfast this morning how amazing it is that two weeks ago, no one really even knew we were on the green....... and today, we had people waiting for us.
I've also been thinking a lot about love........
Mainly, that so often we play it safe with our love, and I'm wondering if that is really what we were intended to do. The kind of love God shows never stayed in a realm with labels of 'safe' or 'practical' or whatever word we can fit there to try and conform love to a level of comfort that feels ok to us. So I've just been thinking and hoping that this will stretch the way I love others; far too often I shy away from the dangerous sort of love (in the sense that it goes way beyond the sort of love we are typically prone to give) and I'm hoping this will challenge wherever I have placed my invisible boundaries.
There's that verse that talks about perfect love not having any fear in it. No fear of what people think, no fear of danger, no fear of losing...... just the knowledge that I am in my Father's hands. I want to learn that love, what it means to be loved that much, and how to return that love with no room left for any sort of fear in it.

Also, if anyone has an excess of 'picnic-able' blankets of any sort.... we could use them. or even if you happen to know where we could get some.

We're growing!

I guess the word has spread because this morning we had lots of eggs and hash browns and actually ran out of food. I stopped by the homeless resource center and they gave me enough canned fruit cocktail for the entire summer, and 2 turkeys. So, we will have to find a breakfast recipe for turkey. Any ideas? We are continuing to scope out resources for food as we expect breakfast will continue getting larger.

Hungry

After what seemed like a slow start, word has spread of our breakfast on the green. This morning we had a group of ten eat breakfast with us, and several others who wanted to eat by themselves. We had a genuinely good time hanging out with a group of really fun people, some told us their names, and others had only nicknames such as Flee and Bird. We also found several people were willing to help us. They know of resources for food that just needs to be cooked and told us where we can go.
Today I was reflecting on something I think Erin C. said, that we are all hungry for something. So far we have met a very quiet man I will call Bob. He has been on the green since we started last week and comes just to take breakfast, but prefers not to talk. We have also met a woman I will call Di, who has joined us several days for breakfast. She pours her heart out to us about the things that cause her to suffer, while occasionally peeking down at her untouched breakfast. Everybody is hungry, some in their stomach, but everyone in their heart.
One especially friendly guy, I'll call him Rob, asked us if we are trying to become a non-profit. We are just some ordinary hungry members of the community helping other hungry members of the community.

Breakfast on the Green

After lots of rain and cold weather we have finally started Breakfast on the Green (BOG). The goal now is to provide a basic need (breakfast for those who are hungry) and companionship for those who are lonely and looking for a friend.
We are cooking breakfast and providing a free picnic Monday-Friday on the green (near elm street) from 8-9 am.

Why? Active Love. We are trying to love the New Haven community by filling a basic need for so many people who are without food and friendship. Basically, we love because Jesus first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Come join us! Eat, volunteer, build relationships!